I am sure this article below can be a great interest for you! No doubts that you thought about this subject and tried to find answers. Read one more educated opinion of a Russian woman :)!
Truly yours,
Natasha Varetskaya, Ph.D.,<>
By Elena Petrova
Why Russian women are seeking men abroad?
This is the question all men browsing Russian dating sites are asking the most. Nevertheless the fact that all agencies have pages with FAQ, where this question is surely answered, men cannot help wondering *Why such beautiful educated ladies have to look for somebody in a foreign country?*
Internet personals list thousands profiles of Russian women. Is it possible that there are so many attractive professional women who cannot find a suitable partner? What's wrong with these girls? Surely there must have been dozens men around who will be happy to court such gorgeous ladies!
Agencies will tell you that there are not enough men in Russia, and it's why many women cannot find a mate. Ladies themselves will tell you that Russian men are so cruel and hard drinking that they are not capable of being husbands.
In some extent those statements are true. Yes, women outnumber men but mostly because men die much earlier. At the age group 18-25 years there are about the same percentage of males and females. Yes, Russian men drink more than their western counterparts, but Russian women are also capable of drinking a bottle of vine at once, and it's nothing special - Russians in general drink more when they drink though they do not drink every day. It's not only Russian men who are pretty rough but women, too; good manners, in the western understanding of this word, are a thing most of them are not aware of. (Russian people are very direct and straight forward, they do not smile to at people they don't like, which sometimes westerners interpret as rudeness. No, they are just blant - and it is a cultural thing. You will love it after some getting used to.)
Then WHY? Why they are looking for a mate somewhere else?
The true answer on this question is exactly the same as if you were answering when asked yourself: THEY CANNOT FIND WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR.
Look what really happens.
Russia is a male's country and all fights for equality ended up in the right for women to do the hard work, like paving the streets, equally with men. 90% of ads in newspapers regarding available jobs state "for a male" and no one considers it as discrimination. According to "Real Man" image, Russian man should be reckless, try to seduce every female on his way and drink a lot while staying sober. He must not be too intelligent or too educated; both will harm the image. He must be also a provider for the family, and it's a shame if his wife earns more than him.
Russians normally get married early, and at 22 a single woman is considered to be an "old virgin". A woman is worth something only when she is attached or married. It's why for Russian girls marriage is a priority No. 1; it's not about "traditional family values"; it's about a pressure from society. If a woman is single at 25, there must be something terribly wrong with her if no one wanted to marry her. A single woman of 30 years old is constantly told by her friends and relatives that she must urgently get married otherwise she will never find a husband. At this stage a woman often is considering getting married to anybody; just to be "like all the others".
At the age of 18-22 years when most Russians get married, a person is yet formed as individuality. At this age all differences look insignificant; and decisions are made by anything but mind. Many Russians marry their first boyfriend/girlfriend.
For those young people status does not mean a lot; they live in the world of feelings. In the middle twenties things start to change. Status becomes a priority, and to have the status a man has to correspond the image of "Real man". If he is faithful
to his wife, does not drink and study a lot, he is out of competition and will be considered by friends as a looser, or at least an odd person.
Russian females are in average more socially active and educated than males. 3/4 of voters on elections are females. The same proportion is valid for different courses and postgraduate education. Women want to learn new things. Naturally, by the age of 30 for a single educated lady it is very difficult to find an equal partner - very few men are concerned about their personal growth and self-development.
It's why there are so many educated professional women that are listed with different dating agencies: they cannot find a suitable partner because of their good education.
According to Russian "Cosmopolitan" (August 2000, p.61), 50% of Russian men "do not accept in a woman even a shadow of intellect"; 30% - accept that women have "natural intuition but not general knowledge"; 19% - don't mind if a woman is intelligent and educated; and ONLY 1% - prefer intelligent and intellectual women. You might say: "Those women's magazines, they always talk nonsense". NO! The author of the article is a Russian man; and I think he flattered his gender in acceptance of female's intellect. Russian men are afraid of intelligent women!
In Russia I used to hear all the time: "You are too clever". I even tried to seem stupid but it did not work either. At the age of 29 I was almost desperate and was intending to marry anyone who propose, does not matter whom; in Russia it's better to be divorced 3 times than never married.
I was not too picky, I was looking for somebody who was JUST NORMAL; a guy who was interested in career and had the same education as me, not a hard drinker, reasonably faithful (who would not sleep with my friends, at least), his appearance was not important. There are such guys in Russia, not a lot but still, they do exist; the only problem is that by the age of 30 they all are married. Being involved with a married man was not the option for me; but recently I read an advice of a Russian psychologist to a girl who wrote to her being exactly in the same situation; and what do you think? The Russian feminist-psychologist said: "You should probably have a child on your own to don't spend your life alone; and of course it would be nice if his father is not married.
But this is life, and you must not hope to find an ideal." Can you believe it? Finding a single man who is NORMAL is an "ideal variant" that is exception!
I still remember a Russian song that was popular in early 80th, about a very picky girl with unrealistic expectations towards a future husband - it was meant to be a funny song. Read now what were her requirements:
"He does not drink, does not smoke, always gives his wife flowers, brings his salary home, calls his mother-in-law "Mother", is not mad about soccer, is not boring in the company, intelligent and good looking".
It was a very, very funny song: everybody knew such men do not exist, and the story of the song was how people laughed at this poor girl. Things did not change much since...
So please do not think that there is something wrong with all those beautiful educated ladies that you see at the agencies. The only thing that is wrong is the society they live in.